Like many of you, I awoke this morning in a stumbling haze of exhaustion, confusion, and macabre ennui. It was not until I poured a mug of black, healing coffee that I finally began to feel like a human being, capable of interacting with society at large in a meaningful way. But what if — in some distant future — we were able to start our day without coffee? Yes, it sounds like the ramblings of a madman, but it would seem that science has finally offered an alternative to everyone’s favorite hot bean beverage.
The good people at ASAP Science offer seven tips to wake up without coffee (as if though such a thing were actually possible). Their suggestions include waking up with light, taking a cold shower, eating a full breakfast, and other rituals that make little to no practical sense. Sorry if I seem a little salty in my opinions, I haven’t had this morning’s cup of coffee yet.
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